I am a girl and If I am fortunate…

Disclaimer:  This write up comes from extreme pain I felt at the bottom of my heart due to the Delhi gang rape incident. The girl died after fighting bravely for two weeks. It makes me to rethink the status, identity and safety of an Indian woman in this ‘decade of extinct humanity’. Though Indian women are in forefront in almost all fields, probably the women still face the backwardness or odds irrespective of the section of society they belong to. This article just focuses on women from various sections of society suffering in different ways at different age and not about any single woman. It doesn’t mean that a single woman faces all of them or she is not happy, it is just that she never complains about little pain she goes through at one or the other phase of her life.

I am a girl and If I am fortunate…

I am an Indian girl. I am protected by laws made by my government and few come into existence after I face the trouble. The first law in my life deals with hiding my identity while I am in my mother’s womb, so that I am not exterminated. But, corrupted medical system at few places doesn’t abide by this law and I miss the opportunity to enjoy this beautiful world! If I am fortunate, I come into this world, and my family celebrates. Else, It’s a silent celebration by my mother where my grandparents don’t proudly say ‘we had a granddaughter’ as I don’t continue their family lineage.

At an age of five, If I am fortunate, I am permitted to study in a government school, else I have to stay at home and learn household chores. Yes, it starts very early in my country as I may have to get married soon If my family and the society I dwell in believes in the tradition of child marriage. If I am fortunate enough for being born in a rich family, then education is provided for the sake of societal norms! My parents would start worrying about my dowry right from this age. They would at times feel unlucky for having me. This pain is not faced by only a few communities where dowry is not compulsory. Dowry doesn’t just trouble the poor, but every section of the society as every class has to offer more than it can afford.

My secondary school education would continue If my village has facility for higher education. I have to content myself with primary education since my family would not permit me to town for higher education. If I am fortunate enough, I would continue studying till 10^th or 12^th standard. But my family has low expectations on how much I would score in my board exams. It would be an absolute celebration if my male siblings score well.

I enter my career deciding phase, provided I am not yet married. If I am married, I already have a child at just 15 years no matter how many complications I have during pregnancy! My career doesn’t matter to my parents. They are least bothered about it. I have to struggle for my entrance into a college. If I am fortunate, I have someone to guide me else, I may have to find my own way at an age of 17!

If I am fortunate, I have a reservation on basis of my caste for admission into a university but I am not aware of this law If I belong to a tribal or rural area. If I belong to general quota, with poverty and no support, I would have to first struggle with my parents with words that seldom convince them and promise them that I would marry immediately after my education. If I have parents who don’t earn well and expect me to earn, I know that my parents would not be interested in my marriage as their daily bread would be lost. If I am fortunate, my parents can afford but they don’t expect any achievement from me since again, marriage is my ultimate destination. My aims and goals are hence not set as high as my male classmates and I am forced to feel content with my limited achievement--- a job!

I am young and turned beautiful. Yes, no matter how people in my neighbourhood or my relatives perceive my beauty, I am young and I am perceptible to eve- teasing, rape, dirty comments, male domination, unnecessary favours, jokes on my identity as a woman, forcible love, physical or mental abuse, murder or any other form of crime. So due to this reason, my parents are worried to send me to far places. My brother and male friends ensure that I don’t go out alone at night, not even at 7pm, and drop me home safe. If I face any threat or if a boy stalks me, people in few places don’t bother to save me. When I go out, I have to check how I dress. I have to dress keeping in mind the likes of people I meet. In my country, men are not blamed for anything, their morality is not blamed but the girl’s dressing indeed is! If I am fortunate, idiots don’t stare at me. It hurts when educated boys eye me even when I am accompanied by my parents. It almost makes me cry inside when a boy scans me for long time and doesn’t even realize that I am feeling uncomfortable.

Coming to my freedom quotient, right from my university till home, I am restricted to go out and am expected to reach home soon. This was not because they want to restrict me, but the conditions prevailing in society made them feel so. They expect me to be safe If I reach home/ hostel early. But I am not safe in the morning or afternoon or evening. I also have to face society who easily mistakes my male friend/ cousin as a lover. I receive calls and messages from strangers. I try my best to maintain privacy but there is always an idiot who doesn’t let it happen.

Next phase in my life is my entry into a job. I am expected to be calm, hardworking and loyal. I have to constantly worry about my colleagues. I have to face male domination and ego. I am sometimes irritated by my seniors mentally. My dad and my brother would ask me to quit job and get married if I discuss any problem related to job. Sometimes, I cannot even share problems related to my profession with friends or colleagues as It would annoy me and embarrass me If It spreads. So, I am forced to keep quiet.

The next most important phase of my life is my wedding. I am a material, a showpiece and my photo is distributed or I am made to sit infront of those who come for the proposal of marriage. If I fortunate, I am selected as a bride on basis of my appearance. I have to realize the fact that my heart has no role to play in the most important event in my life. If I am selected, then I am married to that man. Again I have to realize fact that, I am buying my husband by offering dowry in exchange of care and expenditure on me for rest of my life. It is a kind of investment, not taught in any B- school. I am expected to serve him and his family to my maximum and still they complain. His family is mine but my family is never accepted by him as his own.

If I am not selected as a bride, then society steps in, judges me and concludes me as ‘average bride category’. I am left to my fortune. My ‘kundali/ jaathakam/astrology’ plays a crucial role in deciding my marriage. I wish I were born in a country where astrology doesn’t decide my marriage. After passing all tests, I gain eligibility for post of wife, I leave my parents and my dreams are left to be fulfilled at the will of my husband or my in-laws. If I am fortunate, I stay with my husband till end of my life. Else, I am a divorcee/ widow and no one would be interested in marrying me again. I don’t know why? I also suffer being sold to people at a tender age of 5 years. I always wanted to question the society, ‘who do I sleep with, a guy or a gay?’ Why am I blamed while those men responsible for this aren’t? I am not even aware of a girl’s dream called ‘being a bride’!

My motherhood is the only happiness in my journey. If I am fortunate, my daughter would come into this world. Then, I constantly have to go through harsh comments by husband or in- laws in my married life. My health is always a concern. I undergo caesarean, no matter If It is required or not. I may have hormonal or other health problems but I am expected to be healthy and work well at home. When I am sick, only my children or my parents would look after me. My husband would feel sad about both my health and medical bill.

I am blamed alone for even slightest mistake committed by my children but I am rarely credited when my children achieve success. I have to realize yet again that my husband plays role of upbringing only in such moments. And ‘matru devo bhava’ remains to be a forgotten citation. I am not given credit even in Government/ academic forms that my children apply to. After serving for years, my daughter gets married and leaves home. My son brings his bride home and if I am fortunate, she is nice to me. Else, I know I would spend my old-age with a helper or in an ‘old age home’. If I am fortunate, I die early before my husband does. Else, I am subjected to lead a lonely, miserable life as I am not sure if my children will care for me just like I did for them.

This is my journey as a woman. I am taught that Goddess Durga, Goddess Lakshmi, Goddess Saraswathi are pioneers of world, money and education in my childhood but I realized my country India no more sticks to the such morals, religion or sanskaar and I suffer in every way no matter from what section of society I belong to. I am judged not on basis of my identity or personality but on my external appearances. I am not proud being an woman anymore… I feel unfortunate!

The Government must take initiative in preventing this disease called violence or immorality. Vaccinate (pass strict laws) than medicate (punish later) this disease. Pass strict laws so that there is no prevalence of disease in the country. Educating children about morality and humanity is the need of the hour!

                                                                                                                                       --- V. Srivijaya.